


I Know Why And So Do You

by bloodsoakedleather



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Character Death, F/M, Homophobia, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Rape/Non-con Elements, Romance, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2015-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 13:22:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodsoakedleather/pseuds/bloodsoakedleather
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New York - 1947. Charles plays piano at The Harlequin Club where his sister Raven sings. His life is simple & uncomplicated until the day that Erik comes to the club looking for work & throws his whole world into chaos. There's an intense & undeniable attraction between the two but in a time where men like them are still persecuted, can they find a way to be together?  Can they find the courage?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men. This is just for fun.

I KNOW WHY (AND SO DO YOU)

From the film "Sun Valley Serenade" (1941)

(Harry Warren / Mack Gordon)

Glenn Miller & His Orch. (vocal: Paula Kelly & The Modernaires) - 1941 

x - x - x

Why do robins sing in December?

Long before the Springtime is due?

And even though it's snowing, 

violets are growing

I Know Why and so do you

Why do breezes sigh ev'ry ev'ning

Whispering your name as they do?

And why have I the feeling stars are on my ceiling?

I Know Why and so do you

When you smile at me

I hear gypsy violins

When you dance with me

I'm in heaven when the music begins

I can see the sun when it's raining

Hiding ev'ry cloud from my view

And why do I see rainbows 

when you're in my arms?

I Know Why and so do you

I Know Why and so do you

 

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NEW YORK - 1947 - THE HARLEQUIN CLUB

It was late afternoon and outside, the streets bustled with people of all ages, shapes and sizes. Children chattered loudly, running and playing and earning themselves occasional chastisement from sour old gents who had long since forgotten what it was like to be that age. Haughty ladies in feathered hats walked tiny dogs and cast jealous glances at the girls they couldn't forget they had once been. Men in suits and women in high heels hurried from their jobs all eager to get home and get ready to meet their sweethearts and traffic rumbled and honked endlessly around them all.

For some their jobs had not yet begun and wouldn't officially for several more hours, yet they worked anyway, in anticipation of the evening.

Inside The Harlequin Club, rehearsals were ongoing and now becoming tiresome. The smooth, sensuous, breathy voice of Raven Darkholme danced between the tables and upturned chairs accompanied by a chorus of shuffling footsteps upon the wooden floor and chinking glasses at the bar.

"Why do breezes sigh ev'ry evening, whispering your name as they do?" She sang, gazing across the room at the bartender who busily dried and put away glasses while managing to keep one eye on the beautiful girl on the stage. The two shared a perhaps not so secretive look and Raven fluttered her eyelashes, making the guy grin broadly. "And why have I the feeling stars are on my ceiling? I Know Why and so do you."

She tore her gaze away from her beau and floated across the stage to a group of three musicians and leaned lazily against the pedestal in front of them.

"When you smile at me I hear gypsy violins." They chorused.

"When you dance with me I'm in heav…"

"Okay, let's do it again, one more time from 'why do breezes' okay?" A voice called out, halting the music abruptly.

Raven sighed mellodramatically and slumped her shoulders.

"Again? Charles, we've done this a hundred times already. It's going to get boring soon."

"I know sweetie." The young man at the piano said, shuffling his stool back a little and running his fingers through his dark brown hair. "And you were perfect as all ways." His blue eyes shone with adoration for the blonde singer. "But you boys…" He wagged his finger sternly at the three chorus boys. "Are still coming in a half beat to late."

They all grumbled under their collective breaths and Raven pouted.

"Why do I have to do it again? Can't you just do their part? My throat is starting to feel dry." She glanced over at Hank, still busy putting away glasses. "And I need a drink. I don't want my voice to wear out before this evening."

Charles followed her gaze and chuckled softly at his sister as he shook his head in mock disbelief.

"Okay, fine. Why don't we all take a short break and start again in fifteen?"

Raven beamed brightly and bounced over to him, placing a soft kiss on the top of his head.

"Thank you Charles." She smiled sweetly before bouncing over towards the bar.

Charles closed the piano lid and stretched his fingers out with a faint groan, then rolled his shoulders forward and back a couple of times until he felt the muscles loosening just a little. He was about to get up and grab a drink of his own when the doors of the club swung open, letting in a short burst of the outside noise that made everyone turn round.

"Can I help you?" Charles asked, squinting his eyes at the shadows, just able to make out the figure of a tall slim man but not much else.

"That depends. Who's in charge around here?"

Charles caught his bottom lip between his teeth, worrying it briefly before he stood up and step down off the stage.

"Well, in the absence of Mr Shaw, I suppose that would be me." He said. "At least for the next few hours. My name is Charles."

"Erik." The stranger replied, stepping out of the shadows and into the light where Charles could see him. Charles's breath caught in his throat. The man was quite striking, intimidating even. Not quite as tall as he had first appeared but still close to six feet and considerably taller than Charles, he had a long angular face, all teeth and cheekbones, with vivid green eyes, dark blond hair and an air of confidence about him that was oddly compelling.

Charles offered the man a shallow nod and repeated his question.

"So, Erik, how can I help you?"

He took another step forward, held up the instrument case that Charles had only just now noticed he was carrying and answered.

"I'm kinda hoping you'll give me a job."

 

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	2. Chapter 2

Raven took the club soda Hank had poured and leaned back against the edge of the bar watching her brother curiously from the other side of the room. Charles stayed silent for several moments, eyeing the man with a mixture of suspicion and quiet discomfort.

"I'm sorry…" He began, ready to explain that there was no work.

"I notice you don't have anyone on sax." Erik cut in, indicating his case once again. Raven grinned to herself. "I sing too, if that sweetens the deal." He said hopefully.

"We already have a singer." Charles answered, ignoring the sax comment and making his way over to the bar. "Another club soda please Hank."

"Coming right up." Hank took down a glass and poured the drink. Charles snatched it up and took a gulp.

"What about behind the bar then? I'll take whatever's going, I really need the job."

Charles sighed quietly and shot Hank a plaintive look, hoping he'd tell the other man there was no work there either, but he didn't. Instead he shared a look with Raven that Charles could only describe as conspiratorial and went back to cleaning glasses. Charles sighed again and turned around, his breath catching just as it had moments ago. Raven glanced sideways at him and gave him a discreet wink, which he ignored.

"I really don't think…"

His sister nudged him with her elbow, jogging his arm and almost making the drink in his glass slosh over the side.

"Oh come on Charles, you could at least give the man a chance. He might actually be good."

"We don't need another singer." He argued. "You're our star."

"Thank you Charles, you're a sweetheart." She gave him a smile that was both ridiculously adorable and incredibly irritating as well. "But he's right, we don't have a sax, not since Ray left, and there is a sax solo in 'I Know Why'. Plus, if he sings maybe he can take the boys part." The boys all looked at one another and nodded. "Oooh." Raven added, as an afterthought. "We could even do a duet. 'At Last' maybe, I love that song. Please Charles, please. It can't hurt to listen and if he's terrible we don't have to hire him."

She fluttered her eyelashes shamelessly at him, knowing how hard he found it to refuse her.

"Don't give me that look." He said sternly, deliberately looking away, knowing just as well as his sister that he found it hard to say no to her when she did that. "I can still feel you looking. Stop it." He could feel his resolve beginning to crumble and in his effort to avoid her gaze he found himself looking right at Erik who was watching him intently, hopefully. He ignored the slight shiver that ran up his spine and glanced up at the stage. The boys looked as hopeful as Erik did, they were musicians not singers and they were none of them comfortable with vocals, even in a group.

Charles got the distinct impression that he was being ganged up on and he sighed exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of his nose and shaking his head gently from side to side as if trying to shake off a headache.

"Oh okay, fine." He grumbled, waving his hand absently in the general direction of the stage. "Get yourself set up and I'll give you a chance. But I'm not making any promises."

Erik nodded his understanding.

"Thanks buddy, you won't be sorry, I swear."

Charles pinched the bridge of his nose again, a little harder this time and thought, I'm already sorry.

"He's kind of a dish don't you think?" Raven said softly after a moment as they both watched Erik and the boys on stage setting up for this impromptu audition, dragging Charles away from his thoughts of impending doom, albeit only temporarily.

"I thought you and Hank were an item."

"We are. I'm crazy about him, you know that, but I'm not blind. And anyway, I wasn't talking about me. I asked what you thought."

Charles shot his sister a hard glare.

"Raven!" He hissed a warning at her. He knew where she was going with this and he had no desire to follow.

"Don't Raven me. I'm your sister remember, and I know you better than you care to admit." She reached for his hand and gave it an affectionate, apologetic squeeze. "Look, Charles, I know you're quite determined to be all alone for the rest of your life and I understand why, I really do, and I respect your decision but come on… There's no harm in looking."

His gaze flickered involuntarily over to where Erik stood and remained there for longer than Charles would have liked. He felt a slight fluttering in his stomach and willed the sensation away before biting his lip sharply and turning back to Raven. His blue eyes were a shade darker now, coloured with anger, and guilt, and sadness and a pain long past but not forgotten.

"There is, if I'm caught looking."

 

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	3. Chapter 3

As it turned out, Erik wasn't terrible at all. Quite the opposite in fact. His timing was impeccable, his pitch was flawless, his interpretation of the music was spot on and he played from his heart. Raven was delighted, not least of all because their voices complimented one another's perfectly and she really wanted that duet.

Even Charles had to admit, albeit somewhat grudgingly, that he was actually really rather good. There was no denying it. Erik would be a splendid addition to the band and everyone already seemed to like him. He deserved the chance to audition more fully, tonight at the club, live, in front of an audience. Maybe, Charles thought, if he was very lucky Erik might get a serious case of stage fright and clam up, that way he'd have an excuse to send him on his way.

Somehow though, as much as Charles wanted it, he doubted that would actually be the case. Erik was clearly an experienced performer, as relaxed and confident as he was skilled. Playing to a packed club was unlikely to phase the man in the least. Really, Charles' only chance of getting rid of the man, lay with Mr Shaw. Of course Charles' opinions counted for something with his boss, Mr Shaw would always listen to his recommendations for or against but ultimately, as the club owner and the man who wrote the pay checks, the final decision was his and they'd disagreed before on occasion. Charles could only hope that this would be another of those occasions and that Mr Shaw would take a dislike to Erik for some reason.

"Well." He said at last, folding his arms across his chest and giving Erik his most aloof half-smile. "You're good, I'll give you that much."

"Thanks." Erik said, returning a much easier smile. One that made the hairs on Charles' arms stand up on end.

Raven was a picture of excitement, eyes wide and sparkling, hands clasped together in front of her, bouncing very gently on the balls of her feet.

"Does that mean he's got the job?" She asked, hopefully.

Charles shook his head.

"It means I'll let him play tonight, see how he does with an audience and if he handles that okay… well, it's up to Mr Shaw after that, not me."

Erik nodded slowly and stepped forward, extending a hand in gratitude.

"Hey look I've worked enough of these joints in the past to know how things work. I know you can't say yes or no without the boss' approval, but I really appreciate you giving me a chance to show him what I can do."

Charles pushed back his stool and stood up, groaning inwardly at the confirmation of Erik's previous experience and therefore also the unlikely-ness of him suffering even a minor attack of stage fright. He stared at the proffered hand for a moment. Relax fella. The voice in his head told him. It's just a handshake. It didn't help, so he ignored it and shoved his own hands in his pockets, muttering as he pushed past rather more rudely than he'd actually intended, cringing at his own behaviour.

"You're welcome I guess. We open at eight so be here for seven. Don't be late."

"Seven, got it." Erik replied, a small frown forming on his brow as he watched the other man make his way over to the bar again.

"Don't mind Charles." Raven said softly, taking Erik by the arm. She glared after her brother, so hard he could almost feel it, and raised her voice a little, just enough to be sure that he could hear her. "He's just being a big ole grump today. He's really a sweetheart when you get to know him."

"I am not." He grumbled loudly, swallowing any further retort lest his sister find any kind of ammunition in it she could later use against him.

"Yes he is." He heard her say and he sighed heavily as he took a seat at the bar.

"The usual?" Hank asked, setting down his cloth and reaching for a glass.

Charles shook his head. Club soda wasn't going to do it this time.

"No. Something stronger please Hank."

"You sure about that?" Hank raised an eyebrow, Charles wasn't usually a drinker, but Charles just raised an eyebrow of his own and gave him a withering look. "Okay then." And he did as he was told, silently pouring one of the milder scotches.

Charles glanced back over his shoulder at his sister and the doubtless soon to be new sax player and made a small, pained whimpering noise in the back of his throat. His headache was returning and the slowly growing sense of unease that was beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach made him feel slightly sick. He turned back to the bar and stared down at his glass of scotch for a moment before picking it up. As he brought the glass to his lips he heard Raven's voice once again.

"And don't worry about Mr Shaw either." She was telling Erik. "He knows a good thing when he sees one. He's sure to think you're just swell."

The sick feeling got worse. He had a terrible hunch that she was right, but still…

"I hope you're wrong about that little sister." He whispered as he took a sip of his drink, grimaced and shuddered. "I really hope you're wrong."

 

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	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've taken a little liberty with the song. It's actually from 1950, not 1947 but I love it so much and it fitted the scene so well that I decided to go ahead and use it anyway. I couldn't resist.

I DON'T KNOW ENOUGH ABOUT YOU

(Music & lyrics, David Barbour and Peggy Lee.)

I know a little bit about a lot o' things,  
But I don't know enough about you.  
Just when I think you're mine,  
You try a different line,  
And baby, what can I do?

I read the latest news,  
No buttons on my shoes,  
But baby, I'm confused about you.  
You get me in a spin,  
Oh what a stew I'm in,  
'Cause I don't know enough about you.

Jack of all trades, master of none,  
And isn't it a shame,  
I'm so sure that you'd be good for me,  
If you'd only play my game!

You know I went to school,  
And I'm nobody's fool,  
That is to say until I met you!  
I know a little bit about a lot o' things,  
But I don't know enough about you.

You know I went to school,  
And I'm nobody's fool,  
That is to say until I met you!  
I know a little bit about a lot o' things,  
But I don't know enough about you.

I know a little bit about biology,  
And a little more about psychology,  
I'm a little gem in geology,  
But I don't know enough about you.

I guess I'd better get out the encyclopaedia  
And fresh up on from "shmer" to "shmoo", mmmm,  
'Cause I don't know enough about you.

x - x - x

 

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Charles studiously avoided his sister for the rest of the day, or at least for as long as he was able. Unfortunately for him, when show time came he had no choice but to face her and as musical director he couldn't even get away with a last minute arrival.

He took his seat at the piano, then glanced down at his watch and groaned quietly. It was three minutes past seven, she would be here any moment. That meant he had the best part of an hour in which to try and deflect any and all hints and suggestions she was likely to make regarding his personal life. It was an awfully long time. And then of course there was Erik. An hour spent worrying about what Raven might do or say next was an hour he couldn't pretend that Erik didn't exist, or at the very least that he hadn't noticed how devastatingly handsome the man was.

He closed his eyes and took a long deep breath which did very little to calm his jangled nerves so he took another. A familiar voice from somewhere to his left forced him to open his eyes.

"Another headache Charles?" Raven asked, stepping out of the wings.

"Something like that." He sighed. "Don't worry, it'll pass."

"I wasn't worried. At least not about your head."

He already knew where this was leading and he decided to head her off, if not for good then at least until he was less harried and there was no one sneaking around who might overhear.

"Did I mention you look lovely this evening by the way? Is that a new dress?"

His plan worked. She beamed brightly. Vanity thy name is Raven.

"Yes. It is. Angel worked her magic on one of my old dresses." She did a twirl so that Charles would get the full effect. "Isn't it simply gorgeous?"

Angel worked at the club as a cigarette girl but she also made all of Raven's dresses, and occasionally when she could scare up enough matching fabric, new vests for the band. This old new dress, just like all of her other creations was indeed stunning. Angel was a genius with a needle and thread, really she could throw together an outfit worthy of a Hollywood starlet from just a length of velvet rope, an old tablecloth and a couple of pieces of broken costume jewellery.

"It certainly is." Charles smiled. "But not as gorgeous as you."

"Oh Charles." She blushed and batted her eyelashes.

"I mean it. You look just like Veronica Lake in 'The Blue Dahlia' only prettier." He told her.

"Really?"

"Really."

She beamed again, if possible, brighter than before, then a gentle chuckle bubbled up from her throat.

"Smooth Charles. Very smooth. But don't think I didn't know what you were doing changing the subject like that." She winked at him then leant forward and kissed him on the cheek. "But I'll let you off for now because you were so sweet about it."

Charles sighed with a mixture of relief and frustration.

"Thank you." He said gratefully. "Now, shall we get started? Show starts in…" He took another look at his watch. "Forty five minutes."

Upstage, one of the boys in the band called out.

"Uh, Boss…"

"What is it Alex?"

"New guy ain't here yet."

Charles suppressed a small smile. It seemed that Erik was unreliable. One possible excuse had vanished but another had graciously taken it's place and he allowed himself a small glimmer of hope that he could still get rid of the other man after all. That glimmer of hope however proved as brief as it was small as once again the front doors swung open and in stumbled Erik, just a little out of breath, like he'd been running.

"Sorry I'm late." He rasped, sending an unwelcome shiver down Charles' spine. "My landlord cornered me as I was leaving, demanding rent money I don't got. I told him I got a new job and he'd have it soon enough."

He looked directly at Charles and raised one eyebrow, confident as well as hopeful.

Temporarily mesmerised, heart thumping erratically inside his chest, Charles finally managed to tear his gaze away and turned to his piano.

"Well." He mumbled, shuffling the sheets of paper on his music rack just for something to do. "You're here now, that's the main thing. Find your place quickly and let's go through the revised running order before we do anything else shall we?"

 

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As usual, Charles kept one eye on the audience during the show. It was the easiest and most accurate way to gage whether a particular number was a hit or not then drop add or rearrange accordingly. Of course, tonight it had just as much to do with not staring at Erik as anything else.

The first couple of numbers were fairly simple, mostly instrumental and received only a moderate degree of applause but this was nothing out of the ordinary as it often took a while for the club to fill and was the reason they left the more popular numbers until at least thirty minutes in. Once all but a couple of tables were occupied, Charles tipped Raven and the boys the wink and the real show began.

Sebastian Shaw, owner of The Harlequin Club, sat at his usual table front row centre with his girl, the long suffering Emma at his side and the gorilla's behind him. While Azazel and Janos leered at the cigarette girls in their tiny outfits, Emma was busy directing her customary scowl in Raven's direction. Charles couldn't help but feel kinda sorry for her, despite her undisguised dislike for his sister. She was clearly hung-up on Shaw big time, but everyone knew the guy had a wandering eye and the hots for Raven. That had to be tough to swallow.

Of course Raven didn't exactly help matters. Whenever Shaw brought Emma with him she found some excuse to hang all over the guy, just to yank Emma's chain. It was payback, she said, for a slap in the face and a torn dress some months ago.

It was no surprise therefore when the first few bars of 'I Don't Know Enough About You' began to play and she flashed him a wickedly playful grin from over her shoulder.

"I know a little bit about a lot o' things, but I don't know enough about you." She sang, fluttering her eyelashes at a gentleman two tables to Mr Shaw's left. "Just when I think you're mine, you try a different line." Her gaze drifted to the man directly to his left. "And baby, what can I do?" She was settled now on Shaw and she remained fixed as she shimmied gracefully down the steps at the edge of the stage. "I read the latest news, no buttons on my shoes, but baby I'm confused about you. You get me in a spin. Oh what a stew I'm in. 'Cause I don't know enough about you." She weaved between the tables, smiling flirtatiously at the men and brushing a hand over the occasional shoulder until she reached the table where Shaw and Emma sat.

Charles looked on, waiting for her next move.

"Jack of all trades." She walked past Emma, swinging her hips a little more than was decent. "Master of none." Ignoring the gorillas she crossed behind the table, aware that Mr Shaw was watching her every move then spun on her heels and sat on his knee, one hand resting on his shoulder for balance, fingertips brushing against his jaw. "And isn't it a shame." Her fingers fluttered gently over his face and she dragged them through his neatly slicked hair, mussing it quite badly. Emma was steaming. From where he sat, Charles could clearly see her kick her man beneath the table but it garnered not even the faintest of reactions. "I'm so sure that you'd be good for me, if you'd only play my game." Raven lent forward and pressed a small kiss to her boss's forehead then stood up.

That, Charles decided, could have been much worse. Maybe she'd used up her quota of mischief for today, teasing him about Erik. Erik. He cast a surreptitious glance in the other man's direction blushing furiously when he saw the other man was looking right back at him. His stomach was in knots as he tore his gaze away. This was just what he'd been afraid of, being caught looking. At this point, it being Erik's audition and all, it was nothing that would seem untoward but if it happened again it could look suspicious. He had to be so very careful.

By the time Charles returned his attention to his sister, she had re-traced her steps between the tables and was now back on stage.

"I guess I'd better get out the encyclopaedia and fresh up on from "shmer" to "shmoo", mmmm." She hummed, flicking back her hair and flashing her smile once again at Mr Shaw. "'Cause I… don't know enough about you."

She took a bow, blew a kiss or two and waited until the applause died down before introducing Erik the way they had arranged.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special treat for you tonight. Earlier today a very, very good friend of ours dropped by for a visit. Now, this very good friend of ours is very talented too, but he's also very busy and at first when we asked if he wouldn't mind doing a number with us he turned us down, said he had someplace else he had to be. Can you believe that?" She chuckled softly. "I had to use all of my feminine charms to get him to change his mind." Someone at the back of the club wolf whistled and a ripple of laughter passed around the room. "But lucky for us, and lucky for you, he did change his mind. So please, put your hands together 'cause if you make him feel real welcome maybe he'll wanna stay." She took a step to the side and stretched out one arm in Erik's direction. A spotlight came on. "Over to you Erik." She smiled, initiating a gentle round of applause.

They boys began to play. Slowly, Erik rose to his feet, stepped away from the band and made his way to the front of the stage giving Raven a kiss on the cheek as he passed.

Charles didn't look up, he didn't dare. He just prayed that the audience wouldn't make Erik feel too welcome. His sanity, maybe even his life, could depend on it.

 

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	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: In answer to the many questions I've recieved, YES, I most definitely WILL be finishing this and all my other stories. Unfortunately I find myself with much less time available in which to write than I did when I began these stories so updates are likely to take quite a while. Please be patient, and don't worry, I would never leave a story unfinished.

A LITTLE ON THE LONELY SIDE

(Written by Dick Robertson, Frank Weldon and James Cavanaugh.)

I'm a little, on the lonely,

A little on the lonely side.I keep thinking, of you only,

and wishing you were by my side.

You know my dear,

When you're not here,

there's no one to romance with,

So if I'm seen with someone else,

It's just someone to dance with.

Every letter that you send me,

I read a dozen times or wonder, that I love you more and how I miss your tender kiss, and long to hold you tight.I'm a little on the lonely side, tonight.

x - x - x

 

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Erik's number went as well as Charles had feared it would, better even. The man was not only flawless but he had a presence and charm that seemed to infect everyone in the audience including Mr Shaw.

He hadn't wandered the room as Raven had done, he'd remained on his spot but he'd made eye contact with almost every woman in the room and his roguish grin and flirtatious winks had them all swooning. Emma in particular had been beside herself with glee at every little gesture and made no attempt to hide her obvious interest, though how much of that had been genuine and how much had been designed to try and make Mr Shaw jealous, Charles couldn't say. If it was mostly the latter, the poor girl was out of luck as Shaw didn't even seem to notice and if he did, he didn't care.

At any rate, Erik's apparent roving eye gave Charles some small hope. If he was the ladies man he seemed to be then perhaps he'd be too preoccupied with the next pretty face to notice that Charles wasn't. For what was left of the show, Charles' mood was a little lighter, though he still hoped that his boss would find reason to dislike the man enough to not hire him.

After the show, once the club had cleared and most of the band had gone home, Shaw came to find Charles in the back room.

"Great show tonight." He said, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest and one foot crossed casually in front of the other.

"Thank you."

"The new guy, what was his name? Erik? He was pretty good."

Charles' shoulders tensed.

"Yes, he was." He admitted reluctantly.

"He sticking around or just passing through?"

For a few brief seconds, Charles considered quite seriously, telling his employer that Erik was just passing through. There would be no job offer then, Erik would have no reason to stick around and Charles could go back to being lonely but safe. Except that his conscience wouldn't let that happen. In spite of all the feelings and anxieties the other man's arrival had stirred in him, Charles couldn't bring himself to lie, it wouldn't be fair and there was already so much else in his life that wasn't fair, he wasn't going to add to it.

"He's looking for a steady job."

"Swell, tell him he's hired. We need someone to draw the dames in and I think he's the guy to do it. He sure got Emma's motor running didn't he Doll?"

Charles glanced over his shoulder and noticed for the first time, the boss's girl standing in the doorway.

"He sure did Honey." She answered with a half smile and once again Charles wondered if she was really just trying to make Shaw jealous.

"Well, I gotta scram before Emma here busts my chops again. I'm already in her bad books because she thinks I was looking at your sister." He gave Charles a wink and pushed himself away from the wall. "I can leave all the official stuff to you right?"

"Yes, of course."

Mr Shaw gave Charles a friendly slap on the back and left with his arms curled around Emma's waist.

Alone now with his thoughts, Charles let out a shuddering sigh, dropped down onto one of the chairs and put his head in his hand. Why was this happening? He asked himself. What had he done to deserve this? He'd been so careful for so long, he'd done everything he could to make sure no one suspected the kind of man he really was. He'd made sure there was nothing about him that might even hint at a scandal and if that meant some people thought him standoffish and irritable, then so be it. Now, in little more than a day every wall he'd constructed to protect himself was threatening to crumble because of one man, a man who had no idea what he'd done. Because of Erik, Charles now saw danger and discovery around every corner and he hated the man for that. More though, he hated himself for letting Erik affect him so badly, he hated himself for being so weak and so frightened, he hated himself for being… him.

He was dragged from his thoughts by the rasping sound of a throat being cleared and looked up to see the cause of all of his problems standing in the doorway.

"Everything alright?" He asked.

"Yes. Yes, everything's fine." He got to his feet, rubbed his palms against his pants legs and turned his back, trying to look busy pushing things around on the various surfaces, anything to avoid looking at the man..

"Good. So… was that the big cheese I just saw leaving?"

"Mr Shaw? Yes."

"What did he say?"

Charles paused briefly.

"He said I should hire you." He heard the other man 's sigh of relief and tried very hard not to picture the smile that probably accompanied it. "He thinks you'll be a good draw, that you'll bring more women into the club. Emma's pretty keen on you apparently."

"Emma? That's his girl, Right? The blonde?"

"Yes."

"Hmm. I prefer brunettes." Erik said, off-handedly. "So, Mr Shaw likes me, his girl likes me, what about you?" Suddenly the man's voice seem to drop an octave. "Do you like me?"

Goosebumps broke out all over Charles' skin and a shiver ran straight up his spine. For a moment, he actually stopped breathing and he was desperately afraid that his legs would just disappear from under him.

"I th… I think you're v, very ta, talented." He stammered

"Thanks." There was a pause. "But that isn't what I asked."

"I…" He heard footsteps behind him, footsteps that were getting closer and closer. Charles kept his back turned and willed himself to stay calm, willed his heart to stop beating so fast and so loud. He almost jumped right out of his skin when he felt a hand settle on his upper arm, tugging gently, coaxing him to turn round. "I don't know what you mean." He said, his voice sounding far lower and more hoarse than he would have liked.

"Don't you?" He could feel Erik staring at him, those intense green eyes searching, exploring. He tried, he tried so hard to avoid their gaze but it was hopeless, he was hopeless. Unable to do anything to stop himself, he looked up, breath catching in his throat when saw the way Erik was looking back. It was almost pleading, almost desperate, almost hungry and Charles was terrified.

"No." He mumbled, eyes flickering to the hand that was now cupping his elbow. "I... Let me go."

For what seemed like forever the other man just stared at him, then he frowned and suddenly Charles found his arm had been released and Erik was stepping away.

"Yeah, sure. I'm sorry, I just thought… Never mind"

Charles took a moment to gather his wits, then in spite of himself he somehow managed to get his brain and his feet working together and made a controlled dash for the door, letting out a breath he didn't even realise he'd been holding.

He had to get out of here, now. He had to get out of here and as far away from Erik as he could before he did something unbelievably stupid.

He'd barely gotten three steps through the doorway when he heard Erik's voice call out.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

That was the moment when Charles realised there was no way he was ever going to be as far enough away from Erik as he needed to be.

 

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Reviews appreciated


	6. Chapter 6

A full week of daily rehearsals, necessary though they were now that Erik was a permanent member of the band, were beginning to take their toll not just on Charles' sanity but his patience as well. He'd become terse and irritable, more irritable than usual, with everyone. Raven and Erik in particular.

Raven of course, stubborn as she was, refused to even acknowledge her brother's foul mood. Over the years she'd learnt the best way to deal with Charles' bouts of panic induced bad temper was to simply ignore them and eventually he'd wear himself out. Sometimes it took longer than others though and this particular bout was so far showing no signs of coming to an end but she would ride it out like she always did. She understood where the moods came from and she recognised that sometimes, a lot of the time, she wasn't entirely blameless in causing them.

Erik however didn't understand, and Charles couldn't help but notice that each time he snapped at him unnecessarily Erik looked, not hurt exactly but certainly a little unhappy. Charles felt awful, the man had done nothing to warrant his anger but exist and it was hardly his fault that Charles was a deviant. Still Charles couldn't bring himself to ease off. Better Erik thought he disliked him rather than risk him learning the truth.

After one outburst too many Charles decided to call a break in rehearsal. His head was pounding and shouting was only making it worse. Everyone heaved a collective sigh of relief and went off to do their own thing for ten minutes while Charles reordered the music and adjusted his stool.

Raven glanced over towards the bar at Hank, who silently beckoned her over.

"I think someone could use a friend." Hank said, nodding towards the far end of the bar where Erik had taken a seat. Raven watched the man for a moment.

"I'll talk to him." She leant over the bar and kissed Hank softly on the lips then made her way over to Erik. "Charles' bad temper getting you down?" She asked, hopping up onto the stool beside him. He was hunched over a glass of something and he didn't look up.

"Something like that."

"It's nothing personal you know?"

"Sure feels personal."

"Charles is just… he's kind of a private person, he gets…" She paused for a moment while she searched for the right word. "Nervous around new people. Antsy."

Erik snorted.

"Antsy? Try downright hostile." Raven wrinkled her nose and shot her brother and angry, unnoticed, glare from a distance. "I don't think he likes me very much."

The man's voice gave away little to indicate how he felt about that but the brief look he sent Charles over his shoulder told Raven more than words ever could. She'd seen that look on Charles' face many times, more importantly she'd seen it directed at Erik.

"You know Charles and I didn't exactly have the happiest of childhoods. Our parents were… well, they weren't really there for us most of the time. Actually, I don't think they really wanted either of us at all but that's not the point.. The point is, for the longest time, all we had was each other and because of that we're real close. I love my brother, and I know him better than anyone…" She trailed off, nibbling nervously at her bottom lip, not sure if Erik was really listening to what she was trying to tell him but hoping that he was. "I don't think he hates you as much as you think he does." She reached out and placed her hand gently on top of Erik's, smiling reassuringly when he looked up with a fretful frown. "Charles likes to keep himself to himself, has done for a very long time but I think it's about time he had a… friend."

"A friend?" Erik questioned, his frown softening slightly.

"A friend. There are some things a brother and sister can't share." She smiled as a look of understanding slowly crept across Erik's features. "Be patient with him." She said. Then she added. "And persistent. Be persistent too."

She gave his hand a small squeeze and hopped off her stool, heading back to Hank.

Erik called after her.

"You're a helluva a woman Raven, you know that? If I didn't go for, brunettes…"

Raven chuckled loudly, and looked back at him with a grin.

"Yeah yeah." She said with an exaggeratedly dismissive hand gesture. "Don't forget, patient and persistent."

After a moment, Erik turned back to the bar and his glass, still untouched and he smiled to himself.

Patient and persistent. He could do that.

 

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Reviews appreciated


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Real life can be such a pain. It feels like whenever I think I've found time to sit down and write, something conspires to drag me away from my keyboard.

After the show that night, with Raven's pep talk still in mind, Erik figured he'd hang around for a while and maybe try for an actual conversation with Charles. Nothing personal, nothing heavy, the weather was probably a safe topic, the guy was nervous as a kitten around him as it was and he didn't want to make it worse. But he wasn't sure exactly how to start so he hovered about at the end of the bar for what seemed like forever and eventually he managed to talk himself out of it.

"Need any help?" He asked, turning to Raven. She was drying glasses and putting them away as Hank washed them.

"Yeah, sure. You could go round and collect the last few glasses from the tables for me if you want." She paused briefly. "Or you could quit worrying about what to say and just go help him put stuff away."

Erik sighed.

"And get my damn head bitten off."

Raven tossed her glass cloth on the bar top, folded her arms across her chest and glared at him.

"Did you actually listen to anything I said earlier?" She asked.

He ducked his head sheepishly and mumbled.

"Patient and persistent. I was listening, I just…" He dared a glance over his shoulder at the man who was suddenly and unexpectedly making him feel like some dumb kid trying to get up the nerve to ask a girl to the school dance, except he was thirty two years old, Charles wasn't a girl and he was hoping for more than just a dance. He turned his gaze back to Raven who was looking at him with one eyebrow raised expectantly. He sighed again. Raven was amazing, she was easy going in a way that few people were, accepting, even encouraging but she would never truly understand how difficult it was for a man like him to approach another man, even when he was fairly sure that man shared the same inclination. "It's not easy." He said feebly.

"Sure it is." She told him. "Jeez, you're not asking him to marry you. You're not even asking him on a date, you're just helping him put a few things away before we lock up. Now go." She waved her hands at him. "Make with the persistent, otherwise I'll have to lock the two of you in a closet together overnight and then you'll have to at least talk to each other."

"Okay, fine." He grumbled. He wasn't entirely sure if she was joking or not but he was pretty sure that being locked in a closet with him would have the opposite of the desired effect on Charles so he wasn't going to take that chance. He took a deep breath, wiped his hands on the front of his pants and walked towards the stage.

He tried to keep his steps light and even as he climbed the steps and he rounded Charles in a wide circle so that the other man wouldn't think he was a threat. The last thing he wanted to do was to startle him, he was likely to bolt if he did that. Charles was gathering up the sheet music that had been left on the stands and as he drew a little closer to him Erik noticed the man tense slightly so he stopped mid step and stuffed one hand in his pants pocket.

"What can I do to help?" He asked, already knowing instinctively what the answer would be and deciding he wasn't going to let Charles just brush him off. "These go in a closet right? He continued , wrapping his hand around the centre pole of a nearby stand and lifting it off the ground .

"Yes but I can…" Manage on my own. Erik didn't need to be a mind reader to know what Charles' next few words were going to be and he wasn't about to let him finish his sentence. Judging by his pursed lips and annoyed frown Charles knew it too. "End of the hall, on the left." He said with a resigned sigh and went back to collecting the music while Erik took his hand out of his pocket and picked up another stand.

Carrying the stands down the hall, he tried desperately to think of something to say to Charles but couldn't think of anything. He wondered if maybe he shouldn't say anything at all, if he should keep his mouth shut and just kinda hang around until the other man finally started to relax around him. Yeah, he decided, that was probably what he should do. Patient and persistent he reminded himself.

He made two more trips, each time with two more stands, and each time he said nothing, only watched while Charles busied himself reorganising the stage. When Charles finally acknowledged that there was nothing else for him to do, he grabbed two of the stands himself and hurried down the hall with them, passing Erik on the way. Erik took the last two stands and carried them to the storage room, unintentionally blocking Charles' exit as he stood in the doorway with them. For a moment they just stared at one another in awkward silence then Charles took them from his hands with a clipped thank you and turned his back. Having put them in their place, and taking far more time about it than was strictly necessary, Charles turned again, clearly expecting Erik to be gone or at least have stepped aside. Erik had not moved.

"Excuse me." Charles mumbled, keeping his head down and his gaze fixed to the ground.

Erik wasn't quite sure why he stood his ground. He certainly hadn't planned to trap the other man this way, he'd done that once before and it hadn't worked out so good, but now that he had he found he couldn't make himself move.

"Excuse me." Charles said again, a little louder, a little firmer. Perhaps Erik hadn't heard him the first time. Erik still didn't move. "I said excuse me!" He snapped, panic beginning to set in.

Erik stared down at the top of Charles' bowed head and frowned. He threw out his earlier decision to stay quiet until Charles was comfortable with him because it was obvious he'd ruined that now, and opened his mouth.

"You really don't like me at all do you?"

Charles' shoulders stiffened and he clenched his hands into fists at his sides. He took a deep breath for courage and dared to look up. Erik was gazing at him so intently it made him blush. In that exact moment he wished more than anything that Erik would look at him that way in a more… intimate setting and he wished he could let himself look at Erik that same way. But he couldn't. He couldn't let himself look at Erik at all, he couldn't even let himself think about it because thinking about Erik was dangerous and would only lead to trouble. Thinking about Erik could get him arrested, or worse.

"I don't even know you." He mumbled, attempting, and failing to duck beneath the taller man's outstretched arm.

"Well then, maybe we should change that. We could get a drink or something when we're done here, and just talk."

Charles froze completely, terrified. Erik could practically feel the tension in the other man's body even from a couple of feet away and he wished he'd kept his big mouth shut.

"I d… d…I don't th… think so." Charles stammered. "I have a lot to do and Raven will be…"

"Hey look, it's okay, it doesn't matter. I just figured working together might be easier if we could find some way to get along but I get that you're a busy guy. It was dumb of me to ask." He hoped Charles took his explanation at face value and didn't over analyse. He'd already made a mess of things and if Charles blew a fuse over whether or not he'd actually been asking him on a date, he was pretty sure he'd never be able to fix things.

Erik dropped his arm and took a step back. The tension that had held Charles so rigid just seconds before, seemed to ease a little and he offered Erik a polite nod as he hurried through the doorway, giving the man as wide a berth as was possible. Erik bit his lip as he debated his next move. Patient and persistent he thought. What in the blue blazes did that even mean anyhow? Persistent sure wasn't working, patient was likely to see both of them die of old age before anything happened and Erik's brain was going to skip out on him if he didn't figure something out soon.

"Wait." He called out, not really sure why. He wasn't expecting Charles to stop and he didn't know what he'd do if he did anyway but he called out all the same. "Wait, please." He reached out instinctively, grabbing Charles wrist to keep him from leaving.

Charles allowed himself to be pulled back, no surer of his motives than Erik was. A small part of him wanted to stay, wanted to be close to Erik and hang the consequences. A larger part wanted to run for the hills but worryingly, the smaller part seem to be stronger right now. Still though, he couldn't bring himself to look up, to meet the other man's eyes. The fear was too great.

"Please." He mumbled weakly. "Please let go of my arm."

"Charles I… I don't want to… I'm not… I just… I'm…" _Charles I like you. I don't want to trap you. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to be with you. I'm starting to care about you._ Somehow he just couldn't get the words out and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he'd misread the man, maybe he'd misunderstood Raven, maybe Charles wasn't like him after all. It wasn't as if he'd ever given any real sign that he was at all interested in him as anything more than a musician and colleague. "Sorry." He said letting go of his hold on the other man. "I uh… Well I guess we don't need to be buds to work together right?"

"Right." Charles answered, great waves of relief washing over him.

"So I'll stop bugging you then."

"Thank you."

Erik just nodded. After a moment he sighed heavily and started to walk away. Charles watched him leave in silence and in spite of everything he couldn't help but feel a little sad. Why he felt sad and whether it was Erik he felt sad for or himself, he didn't know. He just knew that the fear of discovery his feelings for Erik had brought to the surface made his gut twist and churn just the same as watching him walk away had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up: Erik changes his mind about not bugging Charles and Raven tries to make her brother see sense.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: First of all, profuse apologies for the frankly unconscionable length of time since the last update. You know how it goes, real life intruded, as did a succession of minor health issues which were time consuming to get under control followed by a total loss of motivation and before you know it it's been a couple of years since you last wrote anything. Anyway, I promised I would never leave a story unfinished and I meant it so here it is at last, the newest chapter. And I promise the next one won't take as long to arrive.

Charles didn’t stop shaking the whole way home. He tried to tell himself he was just coming down with the flu, it’d been going around, he was bound to catch it eventually, but the truth was his nerves were completely shot and he knew it. He’d spent so many years hiding that shameful part of himself from the world, denying it even to himself and it had been easy because there’d never been any real temptation, no one who posed any kind of threat. Until Erik.

Damn Erik Lehnsherr. Erik who took his breath away every time he saw him, Erik who sent shivers down his spine every time he opened his mouth, Erik who made him weak, made him want, made him ache. Erik who terrified him beyond belief, Erik who he knew without a doubt was going to bring his carefully constructed life crashing down around him. Erik who in spite of himself he was falling in love with. Damn him. Damn damn damn.

Stumbling through the front door of the home he shared with his sister Charles tossed his jacket lazily and untidily across the chair in the hallway, and headed into the lounge where he made straight for the drinks cabinet, not even noticing Raven and Hank smooching on the couch.

“Well good evening to you too Charles.” Raven said, disentangling herself from her sweetheart and watching her brother pour himself a glass of something she knew would make him grimace.

Charles grunted non-commitally, gulping down his drink in one go and screwing up his face before pouring another.

“Hank honey, would you mind?” Raven asked, turning to her beau.

Hank smiled up at her briefly and rose to his feet.

“Sure baby, no problem. I should probably hit the pavement soon anyway, before Mrs G locks me out of the house again.” Raven giggled softly, it wouldn’t be the first time Hank’s landlady had locked him out of the rooming house for missing her strict curfew and it probably wouldn’t be the last. He bent to kiss her cheek then left, offering Charles a goodbye on his way out which went ignored.

“Kinda hoped you’d be out a little longer. Another couple of hours at least.” She said, smoothing out her dress with her hands.

“Don’t talk to me, I hate you.” Charles growled, swallowing down his second whiskey and making another face.

“Hey! What did I do?”

Charles rounded on her angrily, his eyes blazing, and spat.

“You encouraged him.”

“Oh.” She said simply, unfazed by his show of temper. She’d seen it plenty of times before and she understood he was scared and upset rather than angry just as she understood it was her tendency to interfere which usually caused it. “Yes, I did and I’m not sorry.”

At that, Charles put down his glass and looked at his sister properly.

“Why? Why would you do that? How could you do that to me? You know how I feel about...”

“I know how you feel about Erik.” She interrupted. “You’re crazy about him. It’s written all over you.”

“What? No. No no no.” Panic set in almost immediately, his breath was coming in short erratic bursts and his eyes were wide like saucers. Charles was about ready to flip and Raven could see it clear as day. Quickly she strode across the room, took his clenched hands in hers and lead him back to the couch. “I don’t, I’m not, I...”

“Relax, breathe.” She said softly, stroking her thumb across his knuckles, calming him just a little. “I’m your sister remember, I know you better than anyone, I’m the only one who sees, I promise. Well, except Hank but you already know he feels the same way I do about all of that. He won’t give you away.”

Gradually, Charles’ breathing began to return to normal but the panic was far from over.

“No.” He repeated.

“It’s okay, Erik’s crazy about you too. He as good as told me.”

“Well I don’t want him to be crazy about me. I don’t want him to feel anything at all about me.”

“Why ever not?”

“Why do you think?”

Raven sighed. They’d had this conversation so many times over the years and it always ended the same way but that didn’t mean she was going to stop trying.

“Look Charles, I know how scared you are and I’m willing to bet Erik’s just as scared as you are but it’s not fair that you have to be alone, you deserve to have someone who can make you happy. Who cares if that someone is another man?”

“I care.” Charles said miserably . “And the law cares. Sadly the law isn’t inclined to be as accepting or as forgiving of two men together as you and Hank. I can’t go to jail Raven and I can’t be the reason someone else does either.”

Raven let go of her brother’s hands and raised her own to his face, cupping his cheeks and giving him a sympathetic look. Oh how Charles hated that look.

“Charles honey. You’re not Michael, you know that.”

“Of course I know that.” He bristled, pulling her hand away from his face. He was angry that she would even suggest otherwise. “And so do you so don’t even...”

And that’s when it hit her, the thing that Charles was really afraid of.

“Hey.” She said with a gentle, knowing smile. “Erik Isn’t Michael either.”  
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“Bourbon. Neat.” Erik said, not bothering to look up from his spot at the bar. He listened for the thud of the glass and the chinking of the bottle neck against it then said... “Leave the bottle.”

“Girl trouble?” The bartender asked as he set the bottle down beside the glass.

Erik bit back the humourless laugh that formed in his throat.

“I’m really not in the mood for chit chat.” He said instead as he dragged the glass and the bottle closer to him.

“Suit yourself buddy.” The bartender shrugged his shoulders and walked to the other end of the bar where a serious drunk was demanding attention. Erik downed his drink in two large gulps, poured himself another and downed that one too. The third he just stared at.

“Dammit Lehnsherr, what are you doing to yourself.” He mumbled under his breath and pushed the glass aside. Drinking himself into a stupor over Charles Xavier was not the smartest thing he could be doing right now but he was at a loss as to what else he could do. The guy wouldn’t even give him the time of day.

Be patient his sister had said. Be persistent. Raven sure seemed to think her brother was interested but all he got from his interactions with Charles was 'Stay the Hell away from me.'

Still, it didn’t seem to be lack of interest that had Charles keeping him at arms length, the guy was scared out of his own skin. Erik guessed he couldn’t blame him, he was scared himself and just like Charles there had been a time when he’d tried to deny that part of himself but then the war had come and Erik had gotten more than his fill of fear and hatred and persecution. In 45 his unit had helped liberate a camp around twenty miles south of Ingolstad. After listening to the stories the survivors told and learning about the coloured triangles they wore he made a vow to himself to stop being afraid of what he was. If they could survive the horrors of the camps, he could certainly survive much less.

Charles had not had the same experience. Charles had had his own experiences, ones that Erik knew nothing about, experiences that had shaped him, made him the way he was today. Erik understood that, and he respected it. But Charles was so terribly unhappy and watching the man tear himself apart with fear and shame and who knew what else was killing him. A part of him wondered if maybe it would be better for both of them if he gave up and walked away but deep down he knew he couldn’t do that, not yet, not until he’d told Charles that he... that he was in love with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews appreciated


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